OK, maybe my trip to LA wasn’t quite as eventful as what happens after the above opening narration to "The Big Lebowski”. But I’d like to think seeing a costume from “High School Musical 3” is every bit as harrowing as having a ferret thrown in the bath with you, receiving a severed toe in the mail or endurig your ear being bitten off by a deranged Vietnam Vet.
(Click on images for full size, hi-res version)
Behind those trees lies the Big Lebowski's mansion from the major motion picture, "The Big Lebowski"
Big Lebowski references, 2 for the price of 1
We landed in Los Angeles around 10:30pm which meant not arriving at our hotel until midnight. Which was handy, because we were just in time to find out they had over booked that night and had no room for us. In a surprisingly short amount of time, they arranged a room for that night in another hotel and we were in a cab.
That night, driving the 5 or 10 minutes to the new hotel, LA seemed seedy and not like the kind of place I would like to spend the 4 days in. The next morning, things didn’t immediately improve. We wanted to get back to the original hotel ASAP and drop off our bags so we could get cracking on seeing the city. The bird behind the desk at the hotel called us a cab and after putting our bags in the boot and trying to give our destination to the Rusky driver, he finally said in his broken English, “I don’t understand. You need another cab.”
This surprised me for two reasons. One, I’d never seen a cabby just give up a fair before. And to be honest, I wouldn’t have minded if Ivan Drago took the opportunity to take us for a bit of a money spinner. The original hotel had already agreed to pay for the cab ride and it would have been a nice little tour.
Ivan Drago: File Photo
The second driver wasn’t much better. But at least Nikolai Volkoff new enough English to hand me his sat nav so I could enter the hotel address myself. Once we were there in the daylight, we discovered we were in a pretty central area, only a few minutes walk from the corner of Hollywood Blvd and Highland Ave. This turned out to be Hollywood’s version of Times Square with everything you need as a tourist. Plenty of tourist shops, heaps of site seeing busses and a few cool attractions right there. Including Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Nicolai Volkoff: File Photo
Grauman's Chinese Theatre
"The Great Directors Walk of Fame" - Part 1
"The Great Directors Walk of Fame" - Part 2
Awarding Mediocraty Since 2001
"The Great Directors Walk of Fame" - Part 3
(Caption removed under threat of litigaion)
Legend has it Leno personally tore up Conan O'Brien's star earlier this year to make room or his own.
(Not to be confused with the incident in 1993 when he chained himself to the gound to prevent the installtion of David Letterman's star)
The Out of Work Actor's Social Club
Accept No Cheap Imitations
We kicked off with bus tours that morning taking us through Hollywood and Beverly Hills. Hollywood was definitely less seedy in the day time and I became a lot more excited about checking it out. The Beverly Hills we drove through was exactly as it looks on telly. Big houses, perfectly manicured lawns and lots of money everywhere.
No Shoes, No Shirt, No OD on the Footpath: No Entry
I missed their 30th show in 30 nights by a few hours
Beverly Hills Town Hall (AKA Beverly Hills Cop Police HQ)
We then changed busses and headed to Santa Monica. This was definitely my favourite part of the city. If I ever gat back to LA, I’ll be looking for a place to stay there. “Big Dean’s Muscle In Café” was the best bar / restaurant I saw and had the best burger I ate anywhere in the States.
"Do yourself a favour (M. Meldrum)".
That night, we decided to go to one of LA’s famous comedy clubs and the hotel concierge suggested the “Laugh Factory”. It ended up being a free show launching a tour with 4 awesome comics. There were 2 broads I’d never heard of before (Chelsea Peretti and Whitney Cummings), but I had seen the work of both blokes on the bill and knew they’d be great. They were Donald Glover (who’s on the Go! sitcom “Community”) and Nick Kroll. But all four were hilarious, look them both up on Youtube, it’s worth it. The show was just dirty enough to make Mary say, “Ooh-wah” a few times.
The Laugh Factory: File Photo
I found these "Axe Twisted Comedy Tour" clips online. They're from the actual show we were at. I gues that explains why it was a fee shw, they were putting together promotinal gear before kicking off the actual tour.
Couldn't find a clip of Chelsea Peretti from the show we were at, but I did find another video with some of the same jokes she did the night we saw her.
The next day, it was off to Universal Studios. I loved it, all the movie stuff, no matter how corny, was really cool to see in person. Obviously, anything “Back to the Future” related was a highlight.
Hill Valley Town Square
It’s funny to see the gambles they took on attractions related to movies and how “timeless” they might be. Lining up for the “Backdraft” ride, I was wondering how many people still give a crap about that movie. Then, while watching Ron Howard’s filmed intro, I was wondering how many people still give a crap about this movie. But once you get to the climax when you’re literally inside a warehouse engulfed in flames, you realise they put too much time and effort into building this thing to care about the relevance of the movie in 2010.
I assume the same thinking explains why they have a “Water World” stunt show. Once they spent so much money on the set, they were keeping this thing at the theme park no matter how a big a flop the actual movie was.
Clapped Out Old Shagger Street
Day 3 kicked off with a tour of Downtown Los Angel… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Sorry, just thinking about downtown LA put me to sleep. China Town looked cool, but the rest was just generic city stuff.
LA Performing Arts Centre
World's Greatest News Agent
McArthur Park: Tragically, authorities are yet to determine just who left that cake out in the rain.
But that afternoon was way cooler when we headed to Dodger Stadium to see the Los Angeles Dodgers in a local derby against the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. This was a pre-season game, so the crowd wasn’t huge, but it was still a great afternoon. The Dodger Dogs were by far the best hot dogs I ate in America and the beers were cold, big and plentiful. Unfortunately, we’d chosen to support the home team who couldn’t bag the win. We did get to see a grand slam though when an Angels player put one out of the park with bases loaded.
With one day left, we took a tour of the stars homes. This also included a photo op with the Hollywood sign in the background (squint, it’s there). It was cool to see some celeb homes, but what I really liked about that tour was just seeing those swanky areas of the Hollywood Hills and Beverly Hills in general. Some really amazing houses, regardless of who lives in them.
Yes ladies, this handsome devil of oh so pleasant demeanour is single
The Widow Spelling's 150+ Bedroom Mansion
Playboy Mansion: Front Door
Playboy Mansion: Back Door (By far, the least used back door at this address)
With a couple of hours in the afternoon to kill before heading to the airport to come home, we went to Madame Tussauds Wax Museam. Until this day, I’d managed to avoid spending money on these places in several cities, but we were bored. It definitely wasn’t a wast of money, but I can’t imagine any other circumstances in which I would have forked out $25 for it. If you have an hour or 2 to kill and there’s one really close to were you are and where you’ll also be catching your airport shuttle, there are worst ways to spend your time.
Blank Template Used for All Female Wax Figures (Completely void of all personality,
charisma and distinguishing deatures with a total lack of soul or any redeeming qualities)
And after all this... 3 amazing cities, countless famous attractions and some of the most historically locations I’ll ever see, the greatest sight was saved until last. The site of walking onto a plain for a 14 hour flight to see it was basically empty. Pretty much every passenger got an entire row each and it was the comfiest long haul flight I’ve ever had.
“I guess that's the way the whole darned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' it-self, down through the generations, westward the wagons, across the sands a time until-- aw, look at me, I'm ramblin' again. Well, I hope you folks enjoyed yourselves.”
